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Archives for July 2013

Setting Goals Is Great- Until It Isn’t


At work, at home, and within ourselves- goal-setting is rampant in modern America. We establish goals as benchmarks to identify our progress, a tangible move from a lacking reality towards the potential of a “better” future. Without a doubt, goal-setting can be incredibly helpful in planning our lives: saving to buy a house, working hard to land a promotion, or dedicating time to become more skilled at a beloved hobby.

In some cases, though, goals can be what’s preventing you from achieving your best life.

Think about it: what are you not accomplishing while working to achieve your goals? Inaction seems counterintuitive to the mission of goal-setting, but that’s exactly what can result when you rigidly adhere to a goal plan. Delaying one action because you have yet to achieve another often leaves you stuck in neutral, spinning your wheels thinking “someday, I will…”

In my book, Get More Dates Than Your Skinny Friends, I advise curvy women looking for love to start their search now, regardless of whether they’re at their ideal weight. Waiting to achieve that mythical goal wait prevents them from seeking opportunities now. For example, many curvy women say, “Until I drop those 20 lbs, I’m not going to . . .

  • go out on the town with my friends.”
  • create my online dating profile.”
  • say “yes” to a new adventure.”
  • go on that amazing topical vacation.”
  • make an effort with my appearance.”
  • apply for that fabulous new job.”
  • expect to land a guy as I am.”

While improving your health is a worthwhile project, it shouldn’t stop you from living today!      I urge readers to make every day count, and not just in pursuit of a boyfriend: when you open yourself to possibilities, you will find doors opening in all aspects of your life. Don’t let that skinny chick take your guy (job, vacation, joy) while you’re sitting on the sidelines.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Set goals for yourself but don’t allow them to compromise the current opportunities. And, most of all, remember that the journey is often the best part of any trip.

The Dreaded “Friends Zone”

guys-girlRecently, a Curvy Girl asked me “I often become ‘one-of-the-guys’…hoping that someday SOMEBODY will realize how amazing I am and want to date me. How can I get my male friends to see me as more than just a friend?”

Most of us have been involuntarily put in the “friends zone” at least once in our lives. We think to ourselves, “If I lose weight, he’ll find me attractive”, or “If I can show him how amazing I am, of course he’ll fall in love with me”.

What comes next might shock, so ladies, get ready…

When a guy sees you for the first time he subconsciously thinks to himself “Would I or would I NOT have sex with her?” Yes ladies – that’s what’s on his mind. And no, this litmus test isn’t reserved for young, single guys. The same is true of ALL guys; single, married, young and old.

Once a guy puts you in the “friend’s zone” it’s rare that he will ever change his mind. He may try to work a “friends-with-benefits” situation, but he will never want to make you his girlfriend.
Investing your time and energy trying to turn a friend into a lover is a recipe for disappointment.

Guy friends are a blast to hang out with, but if you are looking for a relationship, I recommend putting outings with them on the back burner. Use your time away to find a man that will see you as “date material” right away. As long as you waste time with Mr. Wrong, you will never find Mr. Right.

Get More Dates Than Your Skinny Friends includes several tips about how to create a new, relationship-worthy mindset, ensuring that your dates are immediately attracted to the wonderful, curvy you. And when he silently asks himself that crude question, the answer will be a resounding “yes!”