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Shopping is not easy for us curvy girls. For starters, mannequins and models look nothing like average women. And among average to curvy women, there is such a huge discrepancy in how we can look. Some of us have fuller thighs and big backsides while others have cleavage to die for and curves concentrated up top. It’s hard to look at a pair of pants or a top on a size two model or a rock-hard mannequin and know how it will look on a real body.
Take heart, though! There has been a really encouraging trend in fashion that has picked up speed in the last couple of years. As BBC News Magazine reports, “shoppers browsing 2014’s spring and summer collections will see clothes displayed on size-16 mannequins.” It may not be the same as seeing the outfit on yourself when you try it on, but it is certainly a step in the right direction.
Full-figured women have been getting more and more airtime in advertisements, especially as companies realize that real women are the ones buying their products so representing them in advertising campaigns is a good idea for the companies themselves, as well as for society as a whole.
All these positive changes are culminating in the empowering idea that, according to the Huffington Post, “Fine isn’t good enough anymore.” Curvy women used to have no choice but to settle on whatever clothes we could find to fit our figures. But more and more, we are demanding fashion and lingerie that is made for us, fits us, is advertised to us, and that we choose. As we embrace our curves and feel confident in the beauty of our bodies as they are, here are some suggestions for ways to bring fashion for us curvy girls into the bedroom!
Don’t cover up
Sometimes, when we’re feeling self-conscious, it’s our tendency to put on lots of clothes with too much material and cover ourselves up. But I am here to suggest that sometimes, less really is more! When choosing lingerie, don’t hide your curves, show them off!
Black is timeless, but don’t shy away from colors
“Black is so slimming,” we’re always told, but first of all, looking skinny should not be a primary concern for curvy girls: we will never be just skin and bones, so embrace what you’ve got! If you’re still interested in colors that can flatter, Creative Bioscience suggests eggplant, true red, and navy. And who doesn’t love red lingerie?
Shop for your particular body
Every woman’s curves are different, so really focus on your best assets when lingerie shopping. Adam and Eve highlights lingerie “designed specifically for curvy women… [to] show off your breasts at their very best!” If your caboose is your prize possession, find lingerie that accentuates it, like thongs or lace cheekies.
Own your curves
The most important part of shopping for and wearing lingerie for all women, especially curvy ones, is loving your body and being confident. Hold yourself high and find the perfect piece that makes your inner goddess come out. You’ll look even better than the models.
“If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
How many times did your mom say this to you growing up? And yet, in the real world, it seems that increasingly few people abide by it. Tearing people down is something of a national pastime; countless magazines and websites are devoted to mocking others. You might even take some pleasure in some celebrity trainwreck’s foibles splashed across this week’s issue of US Weekly.
But what happens when the person on trial is you?
Some get defensive; others get angry. Most people, however, absorb the abuse in near-silence and allow the criticisms to seep in.
Some of the most hurtful comments are those inflicted by the people we care about: family, friends, coworkers, boyfriends. They might thrive on making others uncomfortable or embarrassed: what they perceive as “joking” or “friendly banter” can be incredibly hurtful to more sensitive parties.
What can you do?
If you’re an opinionated soul, you can always tell them off. This won’t necessarily stop future comments, but some verbal aggressors will back off when met with resistance. If you don’t enjoy the comments, tell them to knock it off and warn them that bringing it up again will not fly with you. At the very least, they’ll know where you stand and what the consequences of revisiting the comments will be.
If you don’t like confrontation, don’t reply for a beat after the comment lands and stare at the speaker. A simple, “I don’t appreciate that” or “Please keep those thoughts to yourself” is often a good enough indication to the insulting party that you won’t tolerate their nasty comments.
If someone persists in critiquing you, you will be forced to have a serious talk about why their actions hurt you. Make ample use of the word “I” (“Your snide remarks upset me”; “I don’t enjoy that”) instead of the more inflammatory “you”. If they cannot stop or are unwilling to alter their behavior, you’ll have to take a long, hard look at why you’re spending time with this person in the first place.
This week, I was asked by my local Fox affiliate to comment on a recently-released study about dating behavior. The report, carried out by the American Sociological Association, found that 58% of women- and a whopping 84% of men- think the man should pick up the check, even well into the relationship.
What do I think?
Well, it depends on the generation. The study focused on men and women in their mid-thirties, a group that is generally neither traditional nor cutting edge. The findings, however, indicate a skew towards the older view that men should always pay. This was practical in the days where women didn’t work and were largely dependent on the support of their family or husband, but in today’s world I think it’s an outdated notion. In time when women are increasingly more educated and better paid than their male dates, it makes sense to pick up the tab every now and again.
No, I’m not saying you should split the first date, or that you should even fight to pay 50% of the time! Men like to feel powerful, and one of the easiest ways to do this is pick up the check: is there a bigger turn-on than “I got this”? Let them pay on the first date, and whenever they insist.
Note the word powerful, though. If he’s gaining it, you must be giving some up. An assertive, modern woman doesn’t want to be “bought” and most men today don’t want a woman they must completely support. By offering to pick up the bill on the second or third date, you’re showing him that you’re independent and respect his money. A flippant “thanks” every time he foots the bill only makes you look like a user, and shows him that you expect this kind of treatment.
Remember: men want to spoil you without it being a requirement.
If He Makes You Feel Bad . . . NEXT! part 1 of 6
Let’s say you’re seeing a guy. He’s cute, funny, and would make a perfect boyfriend. You want to make this work, but there’s one problem: it’s hard to get together because he’s always busy.
One of the biggest problems I see with curvy girls is a defeatist attitude. Many girls won’t even check out the dating scene, believing that no one will be interested in them.
Well, I’ve got news for those that think that: in my interview on the TODAY Show, I asked Dean Cain if he would date a curvy girl. He said he would, and has! So unless Superman isn’t your type (and really, he’s everyone’s type), there’s man out there for you.
At work, at home, and within ourselves- goal-setting is rampant in modern America. We establish goals as benchmarks to identify our progress, a tangible move from a lacking reality towards the potential of a “better” future. Without a doubt, goal-setting can be incredibly helpful in planning our lives: saving to buy a house, working hard to land a promotion, or dedicating time to become more skilled at a beloved hobby.
In some cases, though, goals can be what’s preventing you from achieving your best life.
Think about it: what are you not accomplishing while working to achieve your goals? Inaction seems counterintuitive to the mission of goal-setting, but that’s exactly what can result when you rigidly adhere to a goal plan. Delaying one action because you have yet to achieve another often leaves you stuck in neutral, spinning your wheels thinking “someday, I will…”
In my book, Get More Dates Than Your Skinny Friends, I advise curvy women looking for love to start their search now, regardless of whether they’re at their ideal weight. Waiting to achieve that mythical goal wait prevents them from seeking opportunities now. For example, many curvy women say, “Until I drop those 20 lbs, I’m not going to . . .
While improving your health is a worthwhile project, it shouldn’t stop you from living today! I urge readers to make every day count, and not just in pursuit of a boyfriend: when you open yourself to possibilities, you will find doors opening in all aspects of your life. Don’t let that skinny chick take your guy (job, vacation, joy) while you’re sitting on the sidelines.
Tomorrow is not guaranteed. Set goals for yourself but don’t allow them to compromise the current opportunities. And, most of all, remember that the journey is often the best part of any trip.
Recently, a Curvy Girl asked me “I often become ‘one-of-the-guys’…hoping that someday SOMEBODY will realize how amazing I am and want to date me. How can I get my male friends to see me as more than just a friend?”
Most of us have been involuntarily put in the “friends zone” at least once in our lives. We think to ourselves, “If I lose weight, he’ll find me attractive”, or “If I can show him how amazing I am, of course he’ll fall in love with me”.
What comes next might shock, so ladies, get ready…
When a guy sees you for the first time he subconsciously thinks to himself “Would I or would I NOT have sex with her?” Yes ladies – that’s what’s on his mind. And no, this litmus test isn’t reserved for young, single guys. The same is true of ALL guys; single, married, young and old.
Once a guy puts you in the “friend’s zone” it’s rare that he will ever change his mind. He may try to work a “friends-with-benefits” situation, but he will never want to make you his girlfriend.
Investing your time and energy trying to turn a friend into a lover is a recipe for disappointment.
Guy friends are a blast to hang out with, but if you are looking for a relationship, I recommend putting outings with them on the back burner. Use your time away to find a man that will see you as “date material” right away. As long as you waste time with Mr. Wrong, you will never find Mr. Right.
Get More Dates Than Your Skinny Friends includes several tips about how to create a new, relationship-worthy mindset, ensuring that your dates are immediately attracted to the wonderful, curvy you. And when he silently asks himself that crude question, the answer will be a resounding “yes!”
Every girl, at some point in her life, has heard that dreaded five-word phrase:
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
Not that we buy it. Most of the time, we assume they’re trying to let us down easily, sparing our feelings from the more honest reality: “I’m just not that into you.” The dumped party can become obsessed trying to identify that one thing that sent their man running for the hills.
Sometimes, though, those doing the running are actually fleeing from themselves.
For instance: Aaron, a young, attractive associate who works in my office. He’s positively drowning in dates despite putting little to no effort in attaining them. He recently went out with a girl he described as a 10: beautiful, funny, and an all-around catch. Despite the nice evening he spent with her (that ended in a sleepover), he has no interest in another date. She, of course, looked devastated when he responded with a less than reassuring pause after she asked him “Will I ever see you again?”
Why, after having an amazing date with “Miss 10” does Aaron not want to continue to see her? Time constraints, for one: he’s busy enough with work and school and doesn’t want the drama of a relationship. Secondly, he’s had poor relationship experiences in the past, something we can all relate to. Individuals have different reactions to relationship trauma, and his involves the abandonment of the entire institution. Nothing his date did was going to change that.
What can we learn from this example? One, that not all men are ready (or willing) to become boyfriend material. Second, that your behavior is not always the reason for a relationship ending (or failing to start at all). Third, start slowly. Excited by the prospect of a new love, Aaron’s date hopped into bed based on an incomplete picture. Had she taken the time to go out with him multiple times, she likely would’ve found out their incompatibility before getting involved.
So remember: if he says “It’s not you, it’s me”, it may very well be true.
Finding a flattering pair of jeans is a daunting task for most women, but curvy girls have it even harder. Since body weight can be distributed in a variety of ways, otherwise ideal denim often falls short: too loose (or tight) in the waist, too tapered or flared at the bottom, too constraining or commodious in the thigh.
As a curvy girl who carries the majority of her weight in her legs, I have struggled with finding jeans that fit, let alone flatter my body. Even when I do chance upon the perfect fit, it’s often a flash in the pan, a one-time hit that I can never find again. Luckily, however, I’ve found a soulmate: the Greta jean from Not Your Daughter’s Jeans.
Unlike a skinny or bootcut jean, Greta’s wide “trouser” cut comfortably clears my thighs and goes down straight to my feet. I love their cotton/poly/spandex blend, which gives a nice range of motion while keeping untoward bulges to a minimum. Since dark washes are generally more flattering, I own Greta in dark indigo and black.
Downsides? First is level of wear: as with all jeans manufactured with stretch, NYDJ tend to show wear earlier than 100% cotton denim, particularly in areas where the fabric rubs together. Another downer is price: at full retail, they run $120. Not too bad compared to some designer denim, but not cheap regardless. They are, however, made right here in the USA, which blunts some of the pain at the cash register.
In short: if you have thicker thighs and run screaming from any pair of skinny jeans, the Greta may be your ideal match.