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Archives for August 2013

Do You Expect The Man To Pay on Dates?

Paying a billThis week, I was asked by my local Fox affiliate to comment on a recently-released study about dating behavior. The report, carried out by the American Sociological Association, found that 58% of women- and a whopping 84% of men- think the man should pick up the check, even well into the relationship.

What do I think?

Well, it depends on the generation. The study focused on men and women in their mid-thirties, a group that is generally neither traditional nor cutting edge. The findings, however, indicate a skew towards the older view that men should always pay. This was practical in the days where women didn’t work and were largely dependent on the support of their family or husband, but in today’s world I think it’s an outdated notion. In time when women are increasingly more educated and better paid than their male dates, it makes sense to pick up the tab every now and again.

No, I’m not saying you should split the first date, or that you should even fight to pay 50% of the time! Men like to feel powerful, and one of the easiest ways to do this is pick up the check: is there a bigger turn-on than “I got this”? Let them pay on the first date, and whenever they insist.

Note the word powerful, though. If he’s gaining it, you must be giving some up. An assertive, modern woman doesn’t want to be “bought” and most men today don’t want a woman they must completely support. By offering to pick up the bill on the second or third date, you’re showing him that you’re independent and respect his money. A flippant “thanks” every time he foots the bill only makes you look like a user, and shows him that you expect this kind of treatment.

Remember: men want to spoil you without it being a requirement.

When He Doesn’t Make Time For You

dreamstime_xs_16963956 part 1 of 6

Let’s say you’re seeing a guy. He’s cute, funny, and would make a perfect boyfriend. You want to make this work, but there’s one problem: it’s hard to get together because he’s always busy.

Women ask:  “What should I do?”

My response is always the same: “How does he make you feel?”

Ok, I’m not a therapist but this is simple. If he doesn’t make you feel good – then something is wrong!

But you like him, and make excuses:
“He has a demanding job.”
“He has lots of friends.”
“He has kids.”

Most guys are busy: you probably wouldn’t want to date those who aren’t. But if they’re truly interested in building a relationship with you, they’ll carve out the time or at least will let you know that you’re still important. A busy guy who cares will always make you feel like you matter – you may be disappointed sometimes, but you should never feel bad.

If looking at your phone just makes you feel rejected, it’s because your guy is acting like a turd-bird and it’s time to kick him out of the nest. At the very least, start seeing other guys! Simply tell “Mr. Busy” that this doesn’t feel good anymore and until he can make time for you, you are going to date other people. Don’t feel bad – you are not giving him an ultimatum, you are simply being authentic to what YOU need in a healthy relationship.

Staying with a guy that doesn’t appreciate you will diminish your confidence. CCG’s (Confident Curvy Girls) know that they are a catch and that any guy will be lucky to spend time with them. Take my word for it, ladies, if your guy isn’t making you feel good, stand up for yourself and say “NEXT”!

You Never Know…….Who Likes Curvy Girls!

dean cain today show kat baconOne of the biggest problems I see with curvy girls is a defeatist attitude. Many girls won’t even check out the dating scene, believing that no one will be interested in them.

Well, I’ve got news for those that think that: in my interview on the TODAY Show, I asked Dean Cain if he would date a curvy girl. He said he would, and has! So unless Superman isn’t your type (and really, he’s everyone’s type), there’s man out there for you.