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If He Makes You Feel Bad . . . NEXT! part 1 of 6
Let’s say you’re seeing a guy. He’s cute, funny, and would make a perfect boyfriend. You want to make this work, but there’s one problem: it’s hard to get together because he’s always busy.
Recently, a Curvy Girl asked me “I often become ‘one-of-the-guys’…hoping that someday SOMEBODY will realize how amazing I am and want to date me. How can I get my male friends to see me as more than just a friend?”
Most of us have been involuntarily put in the “friends zone” at least once in our lives. We think to ourselves, “If I lose weight, he’ll find me attractive”, or “If I can show him how amazing I am, of course he’ll fall in love with me”.
What comes next might shock, so ladies, get ready…
When a guy sees you for the first time he subconsciously thinks to himself “Would I or would I NOT have sex with her?” Yes ladies – that’s what’s on his mind. And no, this litmus test isn’t reserved for young, single guys. The same is true of ALL guys; single, married, young and old.
Once a guy puts you in the “friend’s zone” it’s rare that he will ever change his mind. He may try to work a “friends-with-benefits” situation, but he will never want to make you his girlfriend. Investing your time and energy trying to turn a friend into a lover is a recipe for disappointment.
Guy friends are a blast to hang out with, but if you are looking for a relationship, I recommend putting outings with them on the back burner. Use your time away to find a man that will see you as “date material” right away. As long as you waste time with Mr. Wrong, you will never find Mr. Right.
Get More Dates Than Your Skinny Friends includes several tips about how to create a new, relationship-worthy mindset, ensuring that your dates are immediately attracted to the wonderful, curvy you. And when he silently asks himself that crude question, the answer will be a resounding “yes!”
Every girl, at some point in her life, has heard that dreaded five-word phrase:
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
Not that we buy it. Most of the time, we assume they’re trying to let us down easily, sparing our feelings from the more honest reality: “I’m just not that into you.” The dumped party can become obsessed trying to identify that one thing that sent their man running for the hills.
Sometimes, though, those doing the running are actually fleeing from themselves.
For instance: Aaron, a young, attractive associate who works in my office. He’s positively drowning in dates despite putting little to no effort in attaining them. He recently went out with a girl he described as a 10: beautiful, funny, and an all-around catch. Despite the nice evening he spent with her (that ended in a sleepover), he has no interest in another date. She, of course, looked devastated when he responded with a less than reassuring pause after she asked him “Will I ever see you again?”
Why, after having an amazing date with “Miss 10” does Aaron not want to continue to see her? Time constraints, for one: he’s busy enough with work and school and doesn’t want the drama of a relationship. Secondly, he’s had poor relationship experiences in the past, something we can all relate to. Individuals have different reactions to relationship trauma, and his involves the abandonment of the entire institution. Nothing his date did was going to change that.
What can we learn from this example? One, that not all men are ready (or willing) to become boyfriend material. Second, that your behavior is not always the reason for a relationship ending (or failing to start at all). Third, start slowly. Excited by the prospect of a new love, Aaron’s date hopped into bed based on an incomplete picture. Had she taken the time to go out with him multiple times, she likely would’ve found out their incompatibility before getting involved.
So remember: if he says “It’s not you, it’s me”, it may very well be true.
